The Pathophysiology of Burning (He said)

I. Ignition & Contact

               Tachychardia

My heart was pounding from walking away from you

My heart was pounding from being burned twice

Burned by the thought of what I had to do

And burned by the scorching frustration from your eyes when I did

The emotions from your eyes at 44^o hit my clammy demeanor

In my hypermetabolic state from being resuscitated from my first burning,

I am weak

My strength is gradually leaving me

I am weak

I cannot fight for us

Guilt and hurt is spreading all over my body

Spreading like tongues of fire licking me all around

Consuming me

Consuming me

With the intensity of your gaze, boring holes on my back,

I could feel it burning my tissues, necrosis not far behind

              

 Peripheral Vasoconstriction

I hid behind a pillar beyond your sight,

I hid not to be seen burned alive from you

Catching my breath as pain radiated from my body

I started to feel numb

A last resort to surviving the pain of the heat

I cannot move

I wanted to run back to you and beg for forgiveness

But I cannot move

We cannot be

              

 Blood shift

Thump

               Thump

You want to fight

I saw it in your eyes

Yet when I spoke once more of the lies I needed said

You accepted

Your acceptance increased the severity of my burns

Reaching past the zone of coagulation all the way

All the way to the zone of hyperemia

After the many times I told you I love you, you believed

Now in response to this thermal damage,

My body decreased the blood flow of the burnt area,

My chest

Attempting to lessen the pain

I am losing

I am losing

But my body won’t allow it.

II. Oxygen Deprivation

The decrease in blood flow,

Resulting in decrease of oxygen,

Resulting in my suffocation in carbon monoxide

I need oxygen

I need my oxygen

I need you

Wheezing and coughing I am suffocating from my own decision

I drop on my knees,

Tears and sweat drying up as fast as they are pouring down

In this ball of fire I am trapped in,

I struggle to inhale even a whiff of you

But I can’t

I can’t breathe you

III. Carbon Monoxide Inhalation

Smoke from blue flames of frustration and hate from the world

Asphyxiates me as my oxygen runs out

Two choices

One end

Extinguish the flames

Or be incinerated

It doesn’t matter anymore because no matter which end

I cannot have her

I’m already in too deep

Charred and blackened

My body is still attempting to hold on

IV. Unconsciousness

Hypoxemia

The fire is almost calming

Lulling me to sleep

I feel…

Nothing

I am beyond the pain now

I am numb

I am breathing poison

I’m seeping into darkness

Into the darkness of my toxic decision

I’m not that sure if I’m even really breathing

All I see is white spots

All I see is gray

All I see is black

All I see is the absence of you

V. Cardiac Arrest & Death

It’s over

We’re over

We’re really over

The truth of your absence overpowered me

It’s so strong

So strong that in your absence my heart stopped

There really is no more reason for beating

There is still time for recovery

My body is screaming at me

But at this moment, I won’t let it

I had enough

In six minutes or less my brain will die,

I will die

Finally succumbing into the flames

I’m letting go

If you would only tread the waters I allowed you to see and see my reason

Really see,

Then scour from my ashes as confirmation of truth,

Then there we might find redemption.