The Pathophysiology of Drowning (She said)

 I. Submersion (Mammalian diving reflex*)

Bradycardia

Cold

Cold was unwelcomed by my overheated cheeks

Cold as your words at 18^o hit my face,

At once my rapid heart slowed in response

Slowed as if in anticipation of my demise in the surrealism of the situation,

Slowed as acceleration decreased dramatically in my spinning world

That cold splash left me frozen,

I didn’t even realize I was falling,

Sinking,

Almost completely submerged

Peripheral Vasoconstriction

Numb

The slow pumping of my heart, the triggered effect,

A last resort to surviving the depth,

I couldn’t feel my feet, my arms, my hands…

I struggled to walk or at least reach out

But my body won’t let me,

So I stood frozen

A last attempt at self-preservation

Blood Shift

Inspire

Expire

Breathe in

Breathe out

That is what I have been reduced to do

I could feel the blood rushing,

Rushing to the region of my chest between my neck

And diaphragm

To prevent my poor lungs from collapsing,

I am losing

I am losing

Yet my body still fights

II. Oxygen Deprivation

You were my oxygen, the air I breathe

As I watched you walk away I hold my breath

I hold my breath to try to access what air is left

I panicked,

I struggled at the suddenness,

But this voluntary apnea wouldn’t last long.

My body won’t allow it.

But I try anyway,

I was never a fatalist

The concept of ‘you and me’ used to be as easy as breathing

Now that ‘you and me’ doesn’t exist anymore,

Even something as natural as breathing is hard

III. Water inhalation

Two choices

One end

I could swallow your words and my pride along with it,

I could cough out all the spite, all the frustrations, all the hurt,

Just so I don’t drown

But either way, any choice would only quicken the drowning,

Quicken by unintentionally inhaling more water

Either way, it’s too late

I’m in too deep

The hurt of the situation has entered my airways,

Seeping in, flooding me

My body attempts again to sustain me

Blocking the hurt,

Slowing the drowning

IV. Unconsciousness

Hypoxia

The lack of oxygen to the brain,

The lack of my brand of oxygen,

Would eventually render me unconscious

I am already cold

I am already numb

I am already tired

Sleep is welcoming

My vision is blacking out,

I see spots of white,

I see gray,

I see black

What I don’t see,

Is you

 V. Cardiac Arrest and Death

You’re gone

You’re really gone

The truth of your absence overpowered me

It’s so strong

So strong that in your absence my heart stopped

There really is no more reason for beating

There is still time for recovery

My body is screaming at me

But at this moment, I won’t let it

I had enough

In six minutes or less my brain will die,

I will die

Finally succumbing into the water,

I’m letting go

See the irony

I’m drowning in deep,

I’m drowning in the subterranean of my reasons,

I’m drowning in your shallow waters of reason.

It’s amazing how you still manage to take my breath away,

In more ways than one.